No one who isn't living the life can truly understand what life is like as a parent of a severely Autistic child. You just can't. Every parent's experience is different whether a neurotypical child or otherwise. This is just my experience and doesn't necessarily reflect on anyone else's.
One thing you don't think about much is the noise. No, my son doesn't know any 'real' words, but he does have his own language interspersed with bits of songs and echolalia. It's a near constant racket of loud hoots, snaps, claps, thumping of feet, screaming and crying, and yes, giggles too. I will likely never have an adult life again. All of the knickknacks and sentimental items have been packed away as so many have been destroyed by curious hands and flying objects. You may notice that I don't indent my paragraphs or use too many actual numerals; that is because he has destroyed the tab key and a lot of the numbers to boot. We don't get invited out with friends or playdates (with one exception of an amazing friend of mine). We don't get to go out as a couple sans kiddo (who would/could watch him?). We are very restricted on what he is willing and able to do and tolerate. Even things you'd think would be a hit sometimes flop horribly.
All of the fears you prepared and researched for are no longer valid. We have to live in the moment only. Sure we have to prepare for the day when we are no longer here, but as far as worrying about saving for college, teaching to tie shoes, where to store all of the artwork (he won't do any of it), filling out the baby book we're out of the loop. At almost 5, he can't put on any clothes or take them off, he HATES any kind of coloring, gluing, painting, etc, and his last milestone was years ago that the baby book had a blank for. Instead, we learn to sing along to his 'songs' and cheer when he cheers and play with the same baby toys we have always played with when he is interested in them.
The near constant replacement of necessities negates fun buys or extras. We just had to entirely replace the toilet from something being flushed down and way too stuck for the plumber to get out. We have our own snake as this is a regular occurrence, but it just wasn't enough. Had to replace the dishwasher from too many button pushing episodes as well. Still need to get a new couch as ours is completely sprung after only two years. It isn't a week around here unless something gets broken beyond repair.
Our son is currently in preschool at a developmental center. At a recent IEP, I was told that because of how delayed he is (current evals put him at a 1yr old level), he will be able to remain there until he is six instead of kicked out at five. So, I have an extra year to attempt to find an elementary school that will give him what he needs to thrive as much as possible. I don't worry about private schools, Montessori, or any of that. I worry that he won't be abused and ignored and not be able to tell me. I worry that at some point, they will give up on him learning any new skills and leave him a room to rot.
We also have a lot of the 'common' Autism things going on like super picky diet (5 unhealthy foods and still insists on a bottle), lack of sleep, not potty trained, no self care at all actually, etc. As he is our only kiddo, I can't imagine what parents with kids this age that are NT deal with and what their issues are. We all only want what's best for our kids no matter what and for them to be as healthy and happy as possible. Our kids with Autism are just like any other kids in a lot of ways, they are just delayed on their development. Sure, my son is almost 5 and tall for his age to boot, but he's really only about a year old. When you see him doing his thing, if you just imagine a 1yr old you'll see it's really close to the same. He can't help that his body is growing too fast to keep up with for him. So, the next time you see the frazzled looking mom with dark circles under her eyes and hooting as loud as possible child, say hello and maybe offer a cup of coffee. We're all in this together.
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